What’s on Your Bedroom Playlist?

Mmm-hmm. With today’s post I’m gettin’ all up in yo’ bedroom biznazzz!

Music plays a special part in romantic relationships. Why else do we go through so much to pick the “perfect” song for the first dance at a wedding?

There’s something about a song lyric being able to convey the emotions and feelings we simply can’t conjure up with our own words. Like this:

“You found me such a mess
And still, you took my hand
And held me out of numbness
Became my truest friend”

Sweet, right?

 

It’s no surprise then, that music and the bedroom go hand in hand. Special things happen when certain songs get played at the right time, if you know what I mean. The legendary concept of “the mood” comes to mind here.

Unfortunately for us at the moment (and I’m just keeping it real) with a one year old sleeping in our bedroom, “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” gets heard more often than our best love making jams. *sigh* That’ll change this year, though.

Once we do move, you betta believe that iPod playlist will be on and cracking!

I’m talking real, grown folk music. None of that “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” business!

Here are some quick “steamy” picks from yours truly:

“Sex Therapy” – Robin Thicke

“So Gone” - Jill Scott

“Love Scene” – Joe

“Say Yes” – Floetry

“Sweet Love” – 112

“Stop the World” - Maxwell

I think it would be fun to share…

What’s on your bedroom playlist?

 

 

 

 

New Love and Old Love: The Importance of Relationship Accountability

The other night I had dinner with a girlfriend and our time together really left an impression on me. She’s in a new relationship and was beaming with the “newness” that Musiq Soulchild sang about on his song of the same name. She was drenched in it, actually. I am so happy for her because I know that feeling that new love brings. I remember it well.

Seeing her smile from the inside about her new man, responding to his text messages as they came throughout the night, watching her giggle as she took his call; it all brought back so many memories for me of when my husband and I were dating. This lovefest I was witnessing got me thinking about my own marriage and how it has evolved over the last five years since we’ve been on the other side of “I do.” Many things have changed, but they’re still good. We’re happy. The life we dreamt of over quiet, romantic dinners in the beginning, we’re actually living today. And that is a blessing!

My friend and I talked the night away about love and marriage. I look forward to watching their romance unfold and develop into a strong, healthy relationship that will hopefully take them to the altar. Granted, they haven’t been together long (a little less than six months), but I wanted to let her know that she had an ally in me.

I gave her tips on books to read. I was candid about how we made it through two years of dating without breaking our commitment to celibacy before marriage. I kept it real with her about the ups, downs, challenges, and triumphs that the road to marriage offers – and the beauty in it all. She asked me questions and I responded honestly. All of that dialogue got me thinking about how important relationship accountability is while you’re dating and after you’re married.

Having another couple you can trust and be accountable to is a great tool for those of us in relationships. I think it’s important as married couples, that we adopt a younger couple and guide them on their journey. And by guide, I don’t mean get in their business and meddle! It means we should be open and honest about the wild ride that marriage is. That takes work, but is worth investing in.

I think that’s why sites like BlackandMarriedWithKids.com are so successful. We come to those spaces because we all want that aha! moment that happens when we realize that we’re not the only couple on earth facing whatever issues we’re facing (be it good or bad). As Musiq said in his song, “Everything is cool, when love is all brand new.” Now let’s work together to help it stay that way!

What about you?

Did you have a couple you could talk to when you and your spouse were dating? Do you offer that outlet to a younger couple now?

 

*This post originally ran on BlackandMarriedWithKids.com in November 2011.*

How We Make This Work: The Norrises

With my How We Make This Work series I want married couples to share and give insight into how they work out common issues we all face on the other side of “I Do.” The goal is to show that despite what marriage may look like in the mainstream, there are many couples that are willing to put the work in to maintain happy, healthy relationships with their spouses!

Let’s meet The Norrises!

Derrick and Takea Norris are a lovely couple hailing from the Washington D.C. area. And get this, they’re newlyweds! Yay and congrats! They’ve been on the other side of “I Do” for six months. They both work in Information Technology.

Get ready to read some great tips from these two.

1) We make communication work by…

Communication is a work in progress. We have learned how to read each other’s level of receptiveness at any given time. We speak to one another with respect and out of love. Our pre-marital counseling was time well-spent, as we have trained ourselves to pray for grace and to set aside time to discuss more important or sensitive issues. We use humor to lighten the mood. We stay connected by any means and technology plays a big part–we email, instant message, text, tweet, video chat, you name it!

2) We make child rearing work by…

We do not have kids, yet, but we have had plenty of discussions on the subject. We plan to follow God’s word for raising children.

3) We make our finances work by…

We make our finances work by setting and discussing mutual financial goals. He says we do well with a chief financial officer (me) and each “staying in our lane.” We have a budget and a savings plan that we adhere to, and we attend a ministry at church based on biblical teachings for financial stewardship.

4) We make romance work by…

We’ve discovered that romance requires selflessness and spontaneity. Our motto is: “Happy wife, happy life…’lubby dubby,’ happy hubby!” We have a standing date night every Friday. It came about organically while we were courting, and continued throughout our engagement. He suggested we make it an official institution once we got married. Our friends and family all honor it, and don’t disturb us or invite us to separate occasions on Fridays. We also try to do something new as often as possible to keep it interesting.

5) What advice would you give to newlyweds (or even oldyweds!) on how to make marriage work?

Keep God first-honor His word and His design for marriage. Put your spouse before anyone else and even before yourself. Have fun! Remember why you got married, and continue to be “a catch” now that you’re caught.

I told you this was a good one! The passion in their wedding pic? Loving it.

Want to be featured? Send me a note via the contact form here on the blog or email me at theyeyodiaries(at)gmail(dot)com.

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How We Make This Work: The Jeffersons

With my How We Make This Work series I want married couples to share and give insight into how they work out common issues we all face on the other side of “I Do.” The goal is to show that despite what marriage may look like in the mainstream, there are many couples that are willing to put the work in to maintain happy, healthy relationships with their spouses!

Let’s meet The Jeffersons! And, no…not George and Weezy! LOL

Tara and Thomas Jefferson reside near Akron, Ohio, where she’s a freelance writer and he works as a director in higher education. They have two max-adorable children, ages three and four. Yes, you read that right…pray for them! LOL They have been together for seven years and married for four.

1) We make communication work by…

Working on it constantly. By nature, he is quiet. Like only speaks when spoken to – that type of quiet. And I love to have long philosophical discussions about…anything. So even after being together for so long, it still takes tremendous effort for us to communicate effectively. And that’s okay. We click on in so many other areas that we’ve accepted that this is our one flaw. LOL.

2) We make child rearing work by…

Parenting with the motto: “Love hard.” We love our kids tremendously and we make sure they know that. When parenting gets difficult, we respond by giving more love. When my son is throwing a tantrum? I hug the grumpiness out. When my daughter misbehaves? We sit down and ask her how she can make better choices in the future. Pure love. And we think it’s working.

3) We make our finances work by…

This is a tough one. Last year, I got laid off from my well paying job. Instantly, our family income was cut in half. I started freelancing and while I’m getting clients, the payment schedule makes bill paying kind of tricky. So we’re working through it month by month, looking at our budget and upcoming bills and doing the best we can to make this work. My husband knows how important it is for me to be a successful writer, and he’s willing to endure all the ups and downs that go along with that.

4) We make romance work by…

Not letting “we’re too busy/too tired/too broke” be an excuse to get in the way of date night. We try to have a date night at least every two weeks and we’ve learned to embrace those at-home date nights and how to make them special. I’ve been known to recreate a dish from our favorite restaurant – and it costs half the price!

5) What advice would you give to newlyweds (or even oldyweds!) on how to make marriage work?

Prayer. People used to tell me this and I would roll my eyes like, “You don’t have any better advice?” But I’ve learned that prayer (and a dose of patience) can get you through 99% of the issues that will pop up in your marriage. The key, which I think people forget, is that you are praying for yourself and how YOU can be better in the marriage. When people get in arguments with their spouse, they often think, “Man, if only he/she would just….we’d be okay.” But since you can’t change anyone, you can’t control anyone else, you need to focus on what YOU can bring to the marriage and I can guarantee you will see an improvement.

What wonderful advice! I hope you learned a little somethin’-somethin’ like I did! If you want to read some more feel-good-food-for-thought by Tara, visit her fantastic blog (my second blog home!), The Young Mommy Life. It’s awesome. Promise! You can also find her here, offering up some great tips on how to maintain a healthy and strong marriage.

Want to be featured? Send me a note via the contact form here on the blog or email me at theyeyodiaries(at)gmail(dot)com.